Sanity turns to Vanity

welcome

Welcome to my blog. Navigate Using The Polaroids On The Left. :D

Today i happened to visit my blog.
The first post i saw was about my ah gong.
The memories are back again.
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Dear ah gong,

Just wondering are you alright and getting used to that world?
It had been 4 months and 3 days since the day you left us.
Although, our life and daily routine get back to normal after the 7th day.
However, you are always in our heart.

Remember the first time you saw cousin's daughter, you got interested in her socks as you thought that was shoes because it was a shoe designed socks. and you said and asked why she didn't took of her shoes.
Remember the day, i followed my parents to sent you home from Golden Mile, i believe you remember who am i, just that you kept asking me the same questions over and over again. I guess it is to keep the conversation going.
I guess as compared to the rest, your memory about me is lesser. As, you only remember me as the young one.
Remember there's one day, i received call that you went missing. We were worried. So everyone and i went to look around for you. but can't find. luckily at last, at around 6am in the morning, the police found you at geylang area. I believe you went there was because you thought you still living there.
Remember that you always dislike people to help you keep your things back into the store. that was because you had your own way of keeping things. you know which one come first and next.
Remember that you dislike wasting food and love to eat, you can even forgotten whether have you ate just now and ended up eating 5 times of wanton mee.
And during the chinese new year reunion dinner last year, you got abit choked for eating too fast and those uncles scolded and stop you from eating but you kept quiet.

Remember that after you went in to the nursery home, you became weaker. and ended up your legs get weaker and unable to walk by your own. however, you got a pair of strong arms. and like to scratch yourselves or pull the urine bag, therefore they tie your hand up with the chairs. its kind of heartpain to see your hands being tied up.
After that, you went in to hospital 2 times before the last time. but you are still alert and know us.

The last time you went into the hospital, i was working and was called to rush to hospital. but you were still in operation room. the next day when we see you, you was abit blur as the anesthesia haven't really go off yet. However, i went to hospital to see you almost everyday and i told myself that if possible i will hold your hands when i can. and i did. however, your hand was cold. how i wish i can pass my warmest to you. however, there are times you are alert. my aunt still joke around with you that how much you are selling the shoes to me and her. you said that you need to see the shoes. but i didnt gave you see as its awkward as we are in the hospital. therefore you said "aiya. anyhow lah.. 5 dollars lah".. then my aunt asked "how about me?" you answered "2 dollars".. my aunt asked him back "wa.. you sell to her 5 dollars and sell to me 2 dollars, can cheaper anot?" you replied "aiya. anything lah" with a pissed off face.

at first i couldnt accept the fate that you left us. and the last time i touched you, you was so thin and able to feel your chest bone.
seeing you in the coffin, is even harder for me to face it.
during the funeral, my sister and i sat beside you, and talk to you in our heart. suddenly my sister cried and the light bulb on top of your picture keep twitching. I believe that was you. you are giving a signal to ask my sister not to cried, right?
I guess through the korean drama, 49 days, i gave me a thought that you are still around us just that we couldnt see you. and i afraid you will feel scared that why you talk to us, but we didnt answer.
during the last day of funeral, the feeling isnt good.
that was because, it shows that i will not be able to see you again.
i cried like mad during the rites whenever i saw you in the coffin.

the next day, we went to mandai there to collect your ashes.
what i can say is that, i dont have the real feeling of losing you even when i saw your ashes.
i still feel that you are around somewhere that i can see.
but, that isnt true anymore.
anyway,
i will never forget your face.
no matter is the one who always asked me the same questions, the one who look innocent to think that socks is shoes, the one lying on the hospital bed, basically every emotions you had.